Our old friend Cardinal Jim Shu of the Catholic church of the peoples republic of China has just announced that Pope Leo plans to issue a revised 10 commandments later this spring.
In keeping with the synodal church model of his predecessor Francis, Leo wants to expose us to a kinder, gentler, loving God with less vengeance and more mercy. According to Prevost, no one is perfect so the commandments should not be so harsh. It is also part of the new vibrant church to fit todays society.
The name will be changed from the “10 commandments” to the “10 suggestions” which denotes the kinder tone. The Changes will be as followed:
First Commandment
Old: I am the Lord thy God, thou shalt not have strange gods before me.
New: Hi, God here, I want ya to like me but if you prefer pachamama, or Buddha, or Muhammad, its ok I understand.
Second Commandment
Old: Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in Vain.
New: Swearing is not good, but if you do God will put his hands over his ears
Third Commandment
Old: Remember to keep holy the Lords Day
New: you should go to mass on Sunday but if you have to watch an important football game instead its ok
Fourth Commandment
Old: Honor thy father and thy mother
New: Cut your parents some slack. At least pick out a good assisted living facility before you kick them out of the house.
Fifth Commandment
Old: Thou shalt not kill
New: Remember murder is bad, especially executing convicted mass murder felons
Sixth Commandment
Old: Thou Shalt not commit adultery
New: Adultery is bad but healing with a kiss (or two) is perfectly ok
Seventh Commandment
Old: Thou shalt not steal
New: Stealing is bad except if its from the government for the support of illegal immigration
Eight Commandment
Old: Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor
New: Lieing about someone is ok as long as its about a TLM Catholic or President Trump
Ninth Commandment
Old: Though shalt not covet thou neighbors wife
New: You can look at your neighbors wife but don’t touch unless there is something in it for you
Tenth commandments
Old: Though shalt not covet thy neighbors goods
New: Taking what your neighbors own is ok if you use the assets to support the synodal church.